The Art of The Ask

An effective capsule closet, one that guarantees out-the-door outfit solutions that make you feel fantastic every day, is hinged on a solid wardrobe core. Expertly crafted accessories and signature jewelry strengthen this core considerably.

Sartorial objects d’art do not come often, nor do they come cheap. Such investments must be plotted, planned and timed impeccably – which brings me to Christmas.

The holidays are a critical wardrobe core strengthening opportunity.

I will not let you blow this.

Here is my well-oiled, time-tested strategy to ensure that you wake up December 25 with a love token befitting of your year round fabulousness.

Epic Gift Tip #1 : Start Early

If you are embarking on this process today – we may be too late.  Men are not trained to read brains. It is your responsibility to approach this mission with thoughtful consideration to what you want and how to get it. I'd advise spending the five weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas researching by day and  – ahem – wifing by night.  

Additionally, volunteer back rubs, ask him if he lost weight, laugh at his jokes and exclaim, “you’re so smart!” at least once.

Epic Gift Tip #2: Recruit Support

Toddlers are awesome at telling people things you told them not to repeat. Work this in your favor.

First, emphatically make your toddler promise not to tell Daddy about that time in Target when the check out boy told Mommy that she was the prettiest Mommy he’d ever seen.

Now wait one week and show toddler a picture of your gift.  Say “Isn’t that pretty for Mommy?” Make toddler promise not to show the picture to Daddy or tell Daddy how much Mommy wants the gift for Christmas. When toddler asks why, tell toddler you are sad because the gift is so expensive.

Try to fake cry a little.

Epic Gift Tip #3: Be Very, Very Specific

Now that we've laid the groundwork it's time to clarify exactly what we want for our Christmas gift. Print out a picture and information about your gift and tape it to the refrigerator. Circle the gift in red. Specify size, color, retailer and shipping deadline.

No need to be clear on price. 

If you have a husband who insists on selecting his own gifts, present him with three options. Include the gift you actually want and two lovely but more expensive ideas. 

Epic Gift Tip #4: Have A Back Up Plan

Let’s pretend it’s December 25. You put in the wife work, planted hints and provided impeccable purchase instructions. Surprise! Daddy bought Mommy a reindeer sweater and wind chimes.

Girl! Promise me you’ll buy that beautiful gift for your damn self. You have my permission. You earned it and your capsule wardrobe will thank you.

Arm Candy Canes

Whatever you do, don't tell Matt I want these gifts. They are just too much.

I hope you've enjoyed this satirical gift getting guide. I would never actually be so brazen in my attempts to land a gift. Or would I? Only Santa knows for sure. 

You know what would make a great gift for less than $10? (Hint: It's an e-book I wrote.)